Of Monsters And Men
by blubick
Summary: Wishing someone were dead is one thing. Killing them is a different story.


_"The sword of murder is not the balance of justice. Blood does not wipe out dishonour, nor violence indicate possession."_

_-Julia Ward Howe_

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><p><strong>He remembers the day they met.<strong>

Though he does it often, Shizuo's not a fan of reminiscing. He's not a fan of Izaya, either. Yet the combination of the two- memories of Izaya- keeps infiltrating his head. He hates it. He wishes these images didn't exist.

They day they met, they tried to kill one another. Both got close. Shizuo lost control, and he punched. Izaya was too quick to get caught. He slashed. It wasn't enough for either of them; nobody died that first day.

But that day set a pattern.

They'd meet.

Shizuo would lose control.

Izaya would slash and run, slash and run.

They would get each other. A cut, a black eye here and there to explain to their parents, later their clients and co-workers.

Today is different.

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><p>On the uglier side of Tokyo, there's blood on the street.<p>

There are two men, broken in two very different ways.

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><p>Izaya believes in "eat or be eaten".<p>

When he was a boy, the quiet, obedient child he used to be, he went to a meeting with his father. Afterward, as they were walking home, Izaya's father lost over 100,000 yen. To a mugger. A filthy, brutal man that had decided that everyone else should pay for his own mistakes.

He remembers being the hostage. The cool metal in the summer air, a circle against his forehead. He remembers shivering against it.

His father gave up the money. Izaya remembers fear sealing his lips. He remembers anger- so unexpected, so unusual for him at that time- birthing a wish, malicious and bitter.

_I wish he was dead. I wish someone would kill him right now._

Izaya could have died, had his father not been rich enough. He wanted revenge. More than that, he was afraid it would happen again.

Izaya believes in reaching out and snatching someone's happiness before they can take yours.

He believes that monsters should be slain before they can prove their evil.

Shizuo scares him.

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><p>Shizuo believes in "eye for an eye".<p>

It's only fair. Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth, leg for a leg, soul for a soul.

But he also believe in a smile for a smile. Flowers for flowers, favor for favor. It's only fair.

He'd never take any more than a smile. He'd never take any more than an eye.

Shizuo's Anger, however, isn't Shizuo.

Shizuo's Anger believes in nothing. It simply acts.

In the end, what Shizuo believes in doesn't matter.

Shizuo does not exist.

Only Anger is real.

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><p>How did this one start? No one knows. No one really cares. It probably began like all the others did.<p>

_Anger, throw, slash, and run._

_Anger, throw, slash, and run._

This time, however, there was a twist.

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><p>There's blood on the street.<p>

Two men are broken in two very different ways.

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><p>Izaya believes in "eat or be eaten".<p>

Shizuo believes in "eye for an eye".

Shizuo's Anger believes in nothing.

It simply acts.

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><p>He's bleeding out.<p>

His murderer's hand soaks in the blood.

_Blood goes __**inside, **__not out._

_Why is it out?_

_Why doesn't it stop already?_

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><p>Shizuo's breathing very heavily. Sweat dampens his hair and rolls down his neck, freezing his skin.<p>

There's no moon, and the stars are hiding. The night is awfully silent. It's enough to drive a man insane.

Izaya's eyes are opened wide, like he can't believe what he's seeing.

Shizuo stares into them. They're endless, black, absorbent.

And much too still.

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><p>He never meant for this to happen. Shizuo believes in "eye for an eye", not "life for an eye" or "soul for an eye". He is not a murderer. He didn't want this. He never wanted this, never. He threatened, sure. He talked about it. He bluffed.<p>

But the glassy eyes of Orihara Izaya?

He'd never wanted to see that.

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><p>"Eat or be eaten" did not save Izaya. He wasn't quick enough for it to.<p>

Mairu and Kururi Orihara feel an odd chill as they play video games in their apartment. They pull blankets over themselves, hoping it will go away.

Kida Masaomi briefly wonders if his leftovers are still good. He goes to check.

Yagiri Namie keeps glancing at an unfinished cup of coffee on her employer's desk, wondering if it's cold yet.

Kishitani Shinra shivers in his sleep, but he doesn't wake yet.

Izaya's last thought was that he was sorry.

These people, the few individuals he truly cared about on a personal level, would never know that.

Before his heart stopped, Izaya was vulnerable and terrified and so, so sorry for being a monster.

No one would ever know.

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><p>"Eye for an eye" did not save Shizuo.<p>

He is a murderer.

The moment before Izaya died, Shizuo didn't see a flea. He saw a human being. This man loved something, hated something, feared something. He was a baby once, and a child, and a teenager. He was a boss, a friend, a brother, a son, and maybe even a significant other to someone at some point in time.

There was panic in his eyes, terror in every inch of him. There was regret, too. A desperate plea for forgiveness.

Shizuo murdered someone. Anger or none, he is a murderer.

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><p>It used to go like this:<p>

_Anger, throw, slash, and run._

Today is different.

Izaya believed in "eat or be eaten."

Shizuo believes in "eye for an eye".

Shizuo's Anger didn't care.

It acted.

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><p>On the uglier side of Tokyo, there's blood on the street.<p>

Orihara Izaya is broken. There's a gash on his side. His spine is cracked. He lay like a startled puppet, his limbs contorted and useless. His eyes are open, but nobody's home.

Heiwajima Shizuo is broken. Blood that isn't his is caked under his fingernails and all over his hands. He's shivering and, for once, weak. He kneels over his victim, grieving the death of his own goodness, or what was left of it. He plays it through his head, how it all happened. He wants so badly to take it back. It doesn't matter that it was Izaya, the person he hated most in the world. He wants to give this man his life again. But that's not how murder works.

Monsters kill people, and heroes kill monsters.

The night is so dark, so silent, that no one can tell which is which anymore.

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><p><strong>AN: Dude, I suck so bad at writing. Let me just apologize for disgracing your day with this junk.**

**Okay. So the idea for this wasn't an original one, of course, but I always did wonder. Their end goals were always to kill one another, right? I knew Izaya was sure of his goal, but I don't really think that Shizuo thinks things like this through. He just wants to hurt Izaya with all he's got. I don't think Shizuo really understands that that means _killing _him.**

**In a fight between the two, I sincerely think that Shizuo would win. Too many times has he almost gotten Izaya. All Izaya does is run away, really. But what if the time finally came around where there was no place to run, no trick up Izaya's sleeve? He must be strong, sure, but in a solid, face-to-face fight, I doubt Izaya would last very long. **

**As for Izaya's death. I understand how terrible of a person Izaya is, hence the mention of monsters. However, I think it's overlooked exactly how _human _he is. He's so self-confident that he thinks, "oh, my plan probably won't go wrong, and if it does, I'll be just fine", but he gets really jarred when things truly don't go his way. Why is that? Because he knows he's wrong, and he's scared of someone finally catching him and putting him to justice. A death he didn't plan definitely fits into that category. So he regrets ever taking the chance he did. In other words, he's sorry because he got caught. **

**But isn't that itself a blatant feature of humanity? **

**Anyway, so Shizuo saw the humanity and it occurred to him that "holy frick, I killed a human being". In the end, with the whole "monsters, people, and heroes" thing, I sort of wrapped up the whole "Izaya was a hideous person, but he was still a person and now Shizuo's taken his life" thing.**

**Sorry about all the repetition. I like to think it makes the flow more dramatic, but it's probably just annoying.**

**Review.**

_**I do not own Durarara or any of its characters. All rights go to their respective owners.**_


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